James Bond meets Egg Bonda…

Source: The M secret dossier

Location:undisclosed

M: Miss Moneypenny as you see… we need a name for our new agent. Do you have any suggestions Miss..?

Miss Moneypenny: affirmative madam. ..Q had recently visited Longitude 33 latitude 46 popularly known as Kerala on a secret mission. Apparently at his majesty’s service he attended a “karayogam” meeting to spy on the communist activities there.

M: Miss Moneypenny as you see I don’t have much time to delve in the details of agent Q’s espionage activities. Would you rather come to the point!

Miss Moneypenny: Excuse me for the brief aberration as I was momentarily reminded of my planned vacation at the Kuttanad resort. Coming to the point... Q tried out some of the alien dishes regardless of his safety during the dangerous mission. In a satellite call last week he send the following message.

“Cobra 1 2 3…Egg Bonda three cartons urgent...Over”

In our track record this is the only message that KGB hasn’t deciphered so far. Let’s call our agent Egg Bond!!.

Felix Leiter: Interjection please agents. I would rather suggest a more British name James Bond unless you want to get sued by Vasu’s thattukada who currently holds the copyrights for Egg Bonda as per our intelligence reports.

M: okay...then please welcome JAMES BOND!!

To cut a long story short the post is about the inspirational egg bonda which I attempted to make recently. In my chequered history of 'mind blowing' and 'gas blowing' culinary exploits I think egg bonda easily can claim the slogan…”You can’t eat just one!”…not that you pass out before finishing the “one”!!

Culinary wise if you can’t make a proper egg dish rule yourself out as cooking for a career coz any egg dish is the easiest tastiest and quickest snack possible...As you all know egg has always been part of our day to day life. It has various advantages other than the proteins and vitamins…It was always employed as a tool of mass protest especially by onlookers during stage shows all over Kerala. The egg has been inspiration for movies like “Andaas Apna Apna” which was later translated to English as “Egg Mine Mine”. It also was sole reason for "French toast revolution" accoriding to historians..

So how you gonna make this trendsetting dish... No worries kids when the big chef is here!! ;-P

You just got to boil a few egg ...Cut them in half and separate out the yolk. Meanwhile sauté a couple of onions .After they are pretty fried up add ginger-greenchillies paste and a few karuvepallas...Also add half a teaspoon of pepper and salt as required. Now you add the yolk and mix the entire stuff for a few minutes until you get a finely blended mix.

Fill up the egg whites with this mix and restore it back into somewhat like an egg shape as shown below.

Once you are done with this the next part is to make a thick batter of Maida or besan with a pinch of salt. Dip the half eggs and deep fry it in oil. Just gotta be careful that you don’t over fry it...A couple of seconds is all it takes.

This egg bonda sure make a good snack with wine or beer.!!

This post is in loving memory of 4936 eggs I have consumed in my life…So much to make the world a better place to live…sigh..

Long long ago just like in the movie “Forrest Gump” I used to be chided for a different reason…Instead of “Run Forrest run!!” it was “Eat Carrots son!!”

I used to wake up in the middle of the night when I used to hear those echoing commands. .”Eat carrots Son!!”

Several years later I began getting threatening mails from PETA and other such organizations. I suspected PETA to be some sort of crime syndicate who were planning to eliminate me if I did not start consuming greener living things. Since my beloved friend Don Corleone was lodged in Tihar Jail at that time I had to succumb to this external pressure. For fear of my dear life after the Bourne ultimatum from the syndicate I had to take the help of Pachakam.com and thus it resulted in the creation of “Carrobrocolina”…
Guys don’t get alarmed by the name...It is not that lethal bacteria which killed the dinosaurs, but infact a extremely vegetarisch dish eaten by a peculiar tribe in Germany. Unfortunately I am the sole surviving member and consumer of this tribe.

As you see from the slide below it is made of:-

Broccoli (not another bacteria again)
Carrot (we probably might have used it as bails for our cricket matches)
Tomatoes (as you know. I always get it from Italy for the authentic touch)
Onions (round shaped balls with an emotional touch)
Green chilies (used as ear buds in 36 B.C by Julius Ceaser’s Grandfather)
Coconut Milk (mm..mm..yes yes…not the kallu)

Keep all of them ready and take 4 hours break to get through the sheer exhaustion of it and between take a snap like this. You will be surprised to know that they are infact more photogenic than us.

Please return to the hell hole..err..the kitchen..and heat oil in pan .If you are the kind of person who says life is boring and there isn’t much fun in living etc..etc..I suggest to pour half a glass of water when the oil is hot..Life gets cracking therafter.

Now do the regular standardized procedure of making any curry..that is spluttering mustards, adding cloves/cinnamon and cardamom and then a teaspoon of ginger garlic paste followed by sautéing the onions with the right dash of turmeric and chill powder added later on. Now add the cut broccoli cum carrot along with salt and allow it to cook for sometime. Probably you will be dead tired by now and therefore you can help yourself with a beer.

Once the carrots and broccoli is semi-cooked add coconut milk, tomatoes and water. Allow it cook till the curry looks edible. Meanwhile seperately fry dry red chilies along with curry leaves and add to the above mix.

As always call the person in house whom you hate the most and ask him to taste it.. In case there is no violent physical assault on you after this, the curry can be declared as safe for human consumption.

The below picture is the standard specimen of Carrobrocolina and the chef shares a trivia here…This one is the favourite dish of Winston Churchill and Marlin Monroe…You cant cross check that neways.. ;-P


*Goes well along with chapatti or roti…

Beef Malarthiyathu..

Well quite late to update this blog as I was on a diet for the last 7-8 months. During this fasting period I skipped my 10 am coffee and 3 pm glass of water off my regular diet...Needless to say I held strong and the fasting was followed religiously which helped me shed .005 gram in the last one year. To celebrate this breaking off the fast I decided to make some nice “beef malarthiyathu”...

I was itching to make something, which would have a naadan flavor...Fortunately after years of experimenting on guinea pigs called my roommates I managed to make something that was edible…

Beef Malarthiyathu cooked using the principles of ayurveda is for the health conscious. I have used techniques handed over generations from Josephettan of karimpumkala kallu shaappu to make this culinary delight. . Just kidding man...

Well how to make this?? A 20 minute job I ll say... Cut the meat (500 gm) into cubes and marinate it with meat Masala (guys don’t confuse it with desi Masala and stuff). Pressure-cook it without adding any water or salt and after 2 whistles taking it off.

Now in a separate vessel heat two tables spoon of oil and drop a pinch of mustard and wait till they make those silly tickling sounds. Add a cup of sliced onions and green chilies (2-3) along with thengaa kothu…when the onions are half fried add a teaspoon of ginger garlic paste. And after say a minute, add curry leaves along with coriander powder (half teaspoon), chilly powder (quarter teaspoon) and some pepper powder (quarter teaspoon)...Allow it to sauté until the entire stuff looks like a fine blend and then add the cooked meat into it. Mix the entire stuff as if your life depends on it. Add more meat Masala if required and salt as necessary. Add water just enough for it get cooked.

Now here comes the trick, which most people don’t reveal…beef malarthiyathu tastes good only if it is over fried... so when the Masala starts sticking to the bottom and you get the nauseating smell, turn a blind eye to it or well here, turn a close nose to it...wait for a minute or two and then add a little water say 2-3 teaspoon and scrape out all what is sticking in the bottom. Mix the whole thing again and then you get the authentic dark brown color which otherwise u never gonna get..

Delicious beef malarthiyathu is ready to eat...A glass of beer and some sliced onion dipped in lemon is the perfect appetizer for this calorie-fat bomb…
Statutory Warning

• Folks abroad who try this dish make sure the exhaust fan is running otherwise am sure you will invite the police home... The smell of masala’s is easily mistaken as poison gas/terrorist attack etc etc in the west.


• ‘Navarasa’s’ on the face of the consumer can be safely ignored. But if he/she is in a ‘savasana’ pose for more than three hours after consumption please call 911

Tips

• Cutting onions are the most difficult part. Take help of woman folk at home who missed the tearjerker serial of the day. They will be more than happy to do it for you…


• If someone asks you whether the dish is healthy. Push him/her over the window or throw chilly powder in the eyes.

pot at to

I was dropping by this friend's house far too many times for dinner and thought I should give this nice couple some of my custom made lethal bazookas..But the catch was that they were vegetarians..

For someone like me who shares the heavy burden of keeping the population of chickens..atlantic fish..prawns…and many other overpopulated species under check..it was sacrilegious to cook something vegetarian…Neways after seeking blessings from a well adorned and sealed chicken kept in the freezer ,I started on the unthinkable

A couple of potatoes and onions were ruthlessly scrubbed..shaved and sliced..By then I was deep in emotional guilt at doing what a pure non vegetarian should have never done..
Nevertheless a little guilt is as good as a fulsome guilt..And I sliced a few carrots and green chilies to complete the blood shed…

After frying the onions along with the green chilies and a dash of turmeric powder,chilly powder, salt add the potatoes which should be already cooked and mashed separately.By the way I forgot to tell you that keep the potatoes cooked and smashed .Also cook the carrot sliced length wise and about 1 inch long along with the green peas..Drain the water out and keep it aside..Make sure they are not overcooked..
Add the carrot slice and green peas to the potato already in the tawa..Mix the whole lot until the entire thing becomes one good looking filling..Add salt and red chilly as required. And keep the stuff aside..

Meanwhile remove the edge of a few bread slices..Keep a plate aside with some water in it…Toss the bread keep your hand a few feet above the plate..Since we don’t have any butter on either side murphy’s law doesn’t work here…make sure that you wet only one side of the slice.Squeeze water from it keep the slice between your hands and pressing gently..(not like u squeeze juice from a lemon)

Place our potato mix on the dry side of the bread and roll the bread..now this is some art..A kind of sculpting expertise is required..Seal the edge such that the potato mix is not visible now..If someone is there insensible like me just though of reminding that you can seal it without any adhesive…

Now heat lot of oil..i mean really lot that this roll should be floating in it…Add a crushed cardamom to the oil for a good aroma..when the oil is really hot..place gently the rolls and keep tilling it over until all the sides are golden brown..

Now it looks like something from the bakery…

thought for the day:don't count your chicken rolls before they cook !!

whats cooking!!

For visitors who have inadvertently visited this blog expecting to learn a few tricks in cooking, I suggest you to learn the basics first at www.wetspark.blogspot.com

This blog will be predominantly fishy…err. I mean predominantly pure non-vegetarian!

All the recipes are shamelessly lifted form some cookbooks and cuisine websites…Nevertheless they are original because the dishes rarely come out like what they were planned for.

Back to business I am going to talk about Prawns Laurens (dedicated to Sophia Laurens)

Lethal materials for the concoction

1) 500 gm cleaned and ready to cook prawns (golden rule for a bachelor...Never bother to do the cleaning yourself…leave that job to the professionals)
2) 2 big onions
3) 2 Tomato (preferably Italian)
4) Oil (just pour the oil as per intuition. I didn’t have a beaker to check the amount that day)
5) Turmeric powder
6) Salt
7) Garam masala

A short marketing I wanna make. Use Vadakekara garam masala to get the original taste. And if guys are wondering that you never heard of such a brand, I swear it’s even listed in the NASDAQ...and moreover it is one of those Estd. 1655 company!!!! Am getting huge returns in excess of 300% for the shares I have invested in V star *** garam masala!! We recently even had our shareholders meet at Vadakekara Parambu!!

8) Chilly powder
9) Green chilies


Making the concoction

Boil the prawns in water with little salt for say 8 minutes until the prawns are quite cooked. Drain the water and keep it aside.
Sauté the sliced onions in oil with a pinch of turmeric until the onions are transparent.
Add up the sliced tomatoes and 4 teaspoons of red chilies and a pinch of garam masala.
Keep mixing it in medium flame until the oil starts coming out of the mixture.
Add the prawns, which was kept aside to it and spread the gravy over it.
Check and add salt as required.
Put the green chilies and cook it for approx two minutes or until you are sure that the prawns are quite cooked well.
Serve it with rice and curd!!!

And if the damn thing you made is anywhere like this, I think it is edible.

Reviews

Faceless politician to Press after calling of a 45 day fast..

“I must thank this terrific chef for inspiring me. Whenever I need to do a hunger strike I try out one of his recipes and amazingly I develop a strange revulsion for food. It is a huge emotional obstacle to start eating food once again.. Coz of that a hunger strike is just a cakewalk after you try one of his recipes…”

UN population control department spokesman

“Fantabulous..After all those population control programs failed, his free food program was a huge relief…Remarkably a 90% increase in fatalities at the places he had gone. A huge flip to our initiatives”

Somebody just after trying this out..

“”%@*# that…………..” He collapsed shortly before completing the sentence…….

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