Monday, February 23, 2009

Bachelor chicken curry Returns!!

If you remember, in my last post I had mentioned the apparent breaking up and extra-marital relations which I was pursuing with Begum Mutton …It was a short lived romance leading to nowhere and I guess someone got hold of our personal lives and even made a movie out of it…‘The Curious Case Of Begumji Mutton’…. The paparazzi never…aah!!

I was guilt struck and ruing over my deplorable behaviour and to mend broken hearts I planned to meet chicken again . It was a conscious decision when I finally realized that, just like Laila was to Anarkali…Sheela was to Prem Nazir…. someone was for me…This time I carried a beautiful bouquet of curry leaves!!

But no one couldn’t predict what I was about to witness…Chicken now an alcoholic, emotionally broke and frozen in some obscure corner, almost like a vegetable..…The sight was heart rendering and as we looked at each other, I couldn’t bear it anymore .I held her wings in passionate embrace and held back the Budweiser which was almost finished by the way…And then we sat down to talk…

As we shared our past, chicken mentioned that the excessive drinking did take a toll on her and she did not have any liver left which was indeed true when I looked carefully after lifting the neck …Infact she did not have most vital organs left inside…Nevertheless I was ready to accept her .. Due to precarious emotional state, she was in I thought of checking her into rehab. But she seemed more in a mood for a trip to Kentucky or Schezwan …Well it was recession time and I couldn’t afford such a long trip and I requested her to modify plans.…cost cutting was inevitable.. I said.

”shall we go Hyderabad or Malabar…dance in the onion meadows…throw tomatoes at each other….and apply masala on each other...and spice things up…whatsay? ”

And she ‘gingerly’ smiled at me and said…

“Yes…wherever you take me, my dear!!”

And then there was magic…a magical aroma which marked the culmination of an universal love story ….beyond borders of the chicken farms…cutting across race and colors ..there was a tear in the eyes of every single naadan kozhievery single broiler chicken...and every single Slumdog chicken…

* The End *

That was the climax of the much awaited movie as we saw the audience searching frantically for tissues unable to bear the emotional outpour which was building up within them….

”The sight of them patching up was so beautiful and I don’t remember seeing such scenes in Kozhiwood for a long long time…..” said one cine-goer who wish not to be named.

Well lets hear from the director himself in the segment ‘Director’s cut’

Filmfare : ‘Sir….Behind the universal appeal of the movie, there is an experienced director visualizing it…what lessons would you like to share with new budding directors ’
Kubrick Chekku: ‘Well...having decent experience with Asian as well as Caucasian chickens I would like to tell first time Hannibal Lecter’s to never attempt this passion on a frozen chicken. One of the finest piece of german engineering, my vettukathi broke in two when I attempted on a particular ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger chicken’ straight from the freezer!! Those were my rookie days…’
Filmfare : ‘How do you conceptualize a movie…do you have trademarks of your own!!’
Kubrick Chekku: ‘I normally start preparing myself emotionally by slicing 3 big onions, 3 green chilies and keeping it aside…Since there is lot of physical effort involved I wash and clean up the chicken and remove the bullet proof vest which comes as a package these days...and then its brutal creativity’
Filmfare : ‘Err…sir...Could you elaborate’
Kubrick Chekku: ‘This is when the director reaches a tantric level ,wields his weapon and cuts the chicken into pieces…and he doesn’t calm down until the pieces are marinated with 5 tbsp of chicken masala, 1 tsp of chilly powder, half teaspoon of turmeric, 1tsp salt, 2 tbsp of curd and 1 tbsp of lime juice….’

Filmfare: ‘wow…I assume you take good care of the co-actors too…as you have mentioned in an earlier interview about the importance they play’
Kubrick Chekku (heh…heh…measured laugh): “You seem to have done quite some research on me…yes…I heat up the oil and add mustard to it once its warm...they are important for the comedy as they will start laughing after sometime…Then the movie slowly transits into serious mode when you put the sliced onions, curry leaves and green chilies along with 1 tsp ginger paste, 1 tsp garlic paste”
Kubrick Chekku : ‘Once the onions are sautéed and the raw smell goes, introduce the side actor tomato to the scene…He will gradually blend with the other characters paving way for the hero!! That’s when I introduce the marinated chicken pieces…I love this part of the movie…there is music...there is color…and there is aroma ’
Filmfare: ‘Sir…salute…salute…I am just eager to know the climax’
Kubrick Chekku : ‘After about 5-10 minutes all the characters in the movie must have blended well giving the hero a glorified status…But you must check occasionally if the characters do have shades of salt and add accordingly… Then you add a cup of water and close the lid…The inner turmoil within the khandaan would happen now….’
Kubrick Chekku : ‘And then after 10 min when the hero finally restores peace….you open the lid and take a good piece and taste it…If the director is smiling…you know for sure the movie is a hit!!’
Filmfare: ‘Thanks...for sparing your valuable time with us…and giving the movie buffs enough reason to skip your movies…”

Everyone underestimated the marvelous director ..but some years every college…in every tea shop…there was a song everyone was humming…… ‘Aap jaise ‘Kozhi’ mere Zindagi Mein Aaye’..taantan....taaanttaaataan....................

adios... :-D

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Mumtaz Mutton- Ek Prem kahani

For the last two years there was a song I kept close to my heart…a song that made my heart beat like “kokokoo...kokokoo…”

“Ho Ek Chicken Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga
Ek Chicken Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga
Jaise Kentucky Roast
Jaise Reshmi Ka Kabab
Jaise Ujli Kadai
Jaise Schezwan ki Raat
Jaise Tandoor Mein Ho Ek Jalta aag
Ho Ek Chicken Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga”

It was not just a song but a romance that had stood the test of time and it still does…But being the foodie casanova I am, I found someone new and it has caught my attention ever since…I told my spiritual guru about this dilemma… and he asked…

S.G: “What do you think?? How will chicken react to this news?”
Me:I really donno guru… we have always been for each other and Chicki has never left me down…”
S.G:When did you last meet?”
Me:At Burger King…last Friday …and as always it was memorable, though it was kinda awkward when Ketchup was lurking us”
S.G: “hmm…a classic case of mid-life crisis. Have you tried something exciting like going out or doing something Tikka?”
Me:Yeah...we did the Tikka recently and that’s when I saw Mumtaz Mutton at the nearby table…We just couldn’t take our eyes of each other”
S.G:understandable…it has happened to me once as well”

Me:"And then"

S.G:"I was given the "Chicken soup for the soul"
Me:But I wonder if all this sounds like being unfaithful?”
S.G: “No my son… don’t be chicken-hearted…mutton up man!!”

I knew that chicken would forgive me for this little dalliance I was having…

like they say “Mard ka dil sirf ek murghi ko samajtha hein”

So this is how the new crush entered my life …

*Cook the kheema (minced lamb 500gm) with a pinch of turmeric and salt in a pressure cooker...Also cook a couple of potatoes and keep em mashed..
*Meanwhile sauté thin sliced onions (4), green chilies (3-4) and ginger-garlic paste (2 tsp).
*Add the following to the sautéed mix:-
2 tsp pepper powder, half teaspoon turmeric, 2 tsp meat masala, half teaspoon chilli powder, half teaspoon garam masala and salt to taste.
*Once the raw smell of masala’s are gone add the cooked kheema and mix em well until you the masala’s are evenly coated.. Cook this mix for a few minutes until excess water is drained out.
*Add mashed potatoes and crushed coriander leaves and blend the whole mix again..

Now get the puff pastry or anything of that sort…I found this thing called Blatterteig ( rechristened as german roti) which tastes similar to puff pastries after a few flips on a heated pan …

Once one side of this roti is cooked spread a layer of the mutton filling which has already been made…Roll em along the short edge and seal it up…Allow it to remain for a few minutes until you get a golden glow on the outside..

With a few sliced onions and a glass of wine I guess it’s not hard to fall in love…
P.S. i ll be back Chicken..dont worry!!