Monday, February 23, 2009

Bachelor chicken curry Returns!!


If you remember, in my last post I had mentioned the apparent breaking up and extra-marital relations which I was pursuing with Begum Mutton …It was a short lived romance leading to nowhere and I guess someone got hold of our personal lives and even made a movie out of it…‘The Curious Case Of Begumji Mutton’…. The paparazzi never…aah!!

I was guilt struck and ruing over my deplorable behaviour and to mend broken hearts I planned to meet chicken again . It was a conscious decision when I finally realized that, just like Laila was to Anarkali…Sheela was to Prem Nazir…. someone was for me…This time I carried a beautiful bouquet of curry leaves!!

But no one couldn’t predict what I was about to witness…Chicken now an alcoholic, emotionally broke and frozen in some obscure corner, almost like a vegetable..…The sight was heart rendering and as we looked at each other, I couldn’t bear it anymore .I held her wings in passionate embrace and held back the Budweiser which was almost finished by the way…And then we sat down to talk…

As we shared our past, chicken mentioned that the excessive drinking did take a toll on her and she did not have any liver left which was indeed true when I looked carefully after lifting the neck …Infact she did not have most vital organs left inside…Nevertheless I was ready to accept her .. Due to precarious emotional state, she was in I thought of checking her into rehab. But she seemed more in a mood for a trip to Kentucky or Schezwan …Well it was recession time and I couldn’t afford such a long trip and I requested her to modify plans.…cost cutting was inevitable.. I said.

”shall we go Hyderabad or Malabar…dance in the onion meadows…throw tomatoes at each other….and apply masala on each other...and spice things up…whatsay? ”

And she ‘gingerly’ smiled at me and said…

“Yes…wherever you take me, my dear!!”

And then there was magic…a magical aroma which marked the culmination of an universal love story ….beyond borders of the chicken farms…cutting across race and colors ..there was a tear in the eyes of every single naadan kozhievery single broiler chicken...and every single Slumdog chicken…

* The End *

That was the climax of the much awaited movie as we saw the audience searching frantically for tissues unable to bear the emotional outpour which was building up within them….

”The sight of them patching up was so beautiful and I don’t remember seeing such scenes in Kozhiwood for a long long time…..” said one cine-goer who wish not to be named.

Well lets hear from the director himself in the segment ‘Director’s cut’

Filmfare : ‘Sir….Behind the universal appeal of the movie, there is an experienced director visualizing it…what lessons would you like to share with new budding directors ’
Kubrick Chekku: ‘Well...having decent experience with Asian as well as Caucasian chickens I would like to tell first time Hannibal Lecter’s to never attempt this passion on a frozen chicken. One of the finest piece of german engineering, my vettukathi broke in two when I attempted on a particular ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger chicken’ straight from the freezer!! Those were my rookie days…’
Filmfare : ‘How do you conceptualize a movie…do you have trademarks of your own!!’
Kubrick Chekku: ‘I normally start preparing myself emotionally by slicing 3 big onions, 3 green chilies and keeping it aside…Since there is lot of physical effort involved I wash and clean up the chicken and remove the bullet proof vest which comes as a package these days...and then its brutal creativity’
Filmfare : ‘Err…sir...Could you elaborate’
Kubrick Chekku: ‘This is when the director reaches a tantric level ,wields his weapon and cuts the chicken into pieces…and he doesn’t calm down until the pieces are marinated with 5 tbsp of chicken masala, 1 tsp of chilly powder, half teaspoon of turmeric, 1tsp salt, 2 tbsp of curd and 1 tbsp of lime juice….’



Filmfare: ‘wow…I assume you take good care of the co-actors too…as you have mentioned in an earlier interview about the importance they play’
Kubrick Chekku (heh…heh…measured laugh): “You seem to have done quite some research on me…yes…I heat up the oil and add mustard to it once its warm...they are important for the comedy as they will start laughing after sometime…Then the movie slowly transits into serious mode when you put the sliced onions, curry leaves and green chilies along with 1 tsp ginger paste, 1 tsp garlic paste”
Kubrick Chekku : ‘Once the onions are sautéed and the raw smell goes, introduce the side actor tomato to the scene…He will gradually blend with the other characters paving way for the hero!! That’s when I introduce the marinated chicken pieces…I love this part of the movie…there is music...there is color…and there is aroma ’
Filmfare: ‘Sir…salute…salute…I am just eager to know the climax’
Kubrick Chekku : ‘After about 5-10 minutes all the characters in the movie must have blended well giving the hero a glorified status…But you must check occasionally if the characters do have shades of salt and add accordingly… Then you add a cup of water and close the lid…The inner turmoil within the khandaan would happen now….’
Kubrick Chekku : ‘And then after 10 min when the hero finally restores peace….you open the lid and take a good piece and taste it…If the director is smiling…you know for sure the movie is a hit!!’
Filmfare: ‘Thanks...for sparing your valuable time with us…and giving the movie buffs enough reason to skip your movies…”


Everyone underestimated the marvelous director ..but some years later...in every college…in every tea shop…there was a song everyone was humming…… ‘Aap jaise ‘Kozhi’ mere Zindagi Mein Aaye’..taantan....taaanttaaataan....................

adios... :-D

26 comments:

Mishmash ! said...

your last line cracked me up, especially with that 'taantatan' music..:D This is how food blogs should be, food flavored with romance & music :)))

Am sure "‘The Curious Case Of Begumji Mutton’will grab minimum 10 nominations this year.....awesome post & rich looking curry too....enne urakkam mood-l ninnum pidichu kulukki :)) pakshe eppo enikku kurachu choodan chorum aa chicken curry-um kazhikkan thonnunnu !!!!!

Varsha Vipins said...

Mathewsee..ottaswasathinu vayaichu theerthu..ithanu post..:D..So chicken is back into scene..huh..Hope now,Mutton begum dont get upset with u n break up..:D
The curry looks so delish..n looks exactly like my 1st chicken curry..I just added some potatoes to it..:D

Tina said...

hmmm kollaaaaamallo kurachu chorum morum koode undengil thakarkkam...

The Traveller said...

Oh bloody hell!!!!!!! This is marvelously funny.... :D Man!!!!! Loved this post.... Though, I am a vegetarian but 'my' Mathew would definitely like to try this.... :P

Dhanya said...

ROFL..Your way of presenting is so creative n unique too.. Btw this is my version of chicken curry.. Easy to make and my "rats" are fond of it :)

Divz said...

wow mathew...that was the best post i have ever read!! and i truly mean that..superb job..
ennallum kudthal oscar kittiyappol "The Curious Case Of Begumji Mutton" inney vittattu slumdog chickeninde aduthu poyallo??

mathew said...

Mishmash
thank you...and esp to hear it from a wizard of the kitchen like you..

yeah...as mentioned in comments below its slumdog chicken which is winning out..actually the chicken curry came out well..normally i do the semi-gravy chicken, but i like this better with rice...;-D

@Varsha
hehe..yeah..now am walking on a thin line...mutton enthu aayo entho...;-P

and yeah I add potatoes if its with chappattis...

@Tina
thank you....i had it with rice and parippu curry..:-)

@Traveller
sure..do tell him to try out...this is the easiest dishes ever possible in mankind!!

@Dhanya
haha..yeah the rats here are immune now..so i can try out more tests these days..;-D

@Divz
thanks a lot!!
athe athe...who needs Begumji mutton now...ippo our good old slumdog chicken is the flavour of the town!!;-D

Pramod Abraham said...

Jai Ho to Slumdog chicken! A Drunken chicken is always better !!

mallugirl said...

well... well... every slumdog has his day and so does every nadan kozhi!! best screenplay i have read in a loooong time. have u reallt tried ur hand at plays or is this a leftover from college day play writing?

Arunima said...

forwarded this link to the husband just in case he has not bookmarked it. :-)

Philip said...

Wait! Is that a Bud stuck up chick's ass?

mathew said...

@Pramod
LOL!! yes yes..

@mallugirl
ente ammo..i havent tried any play writing yet..:-D
college day plays innu we had really creative guys out there..

@Arunima
:-)
I hope he tries it out too..

@Philip
ayyo..are you are reading this post after a couple of buds....:-D
its the neck..its the neck...well athu manasil avaan alpum kidney venam!! hehe...

thomman said...

ROFL totally! I've never seen anyone who writes about cooking in such a humorous way. They say cooking is the easiest way to reach a woman's heart; and 'cooking+ humour' will be a dangerous combo. I can imagine the conversation b/w parents of prospective brides reading this blog:
Dad: Ediye, eee cherukkan kollamello, nammude moole ivane kondu kettichaalo?
Mom: Njaan ithu angoottu parayaaan pookuvaarunnu!

;)

Kallangal parayan samayavum kaalavum nookkendallo! :P

prajusha said...

first time to ur blog. looks like u r a good cook:)
yummyyy chicken curry

Jyothsna said...

Wow this was a realy hilarious way of putting forth a recipe!! Kozhi curry deserves the oscar!

Shella said...

How about "kozhi millionare" .....it sure would have brought more pride to our country than the "slumdog" did....great write...great laugh and great kozhi curry. Great you returned back to your kozhi, or would have gone on the lines of Dev-D

Wanderlust said...

This surely is a gem of a post !!!! Top notch Matthew !!!

The Chicken with Budweiser snap and the emotional conversations between you two brought tears to my eyes...with laughter though ...

Vrinda said...

First time here..nice blog with yummy recipes and photos..will keep visiting

ramblings said...

:) absolutely enjoyed it!
cooked up a real feast of laughter! :)

management said...

Hi,

I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be very good.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog ‘ambrosia’ took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;

BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!

This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)

Cheers,
Ray

Sonja said...

Gosh, this is so hilarious!!! Can't believe you managed to spice up this drunk chick to look n smell so gorgeous in the end! What a lover n director you are! No wonder, if beef n mutton will go green with envy n jealousy now.

mathew said...

@thomman
thanks da..
its other way around..cooking is easiest way to reach a man's heart!!;-D

" I can imagine the conversation b/w parents of prospective brides reading this blog:
Dad: Ediye, eee cherukkan kollamello, nammude moole ivane kondu kettichaalo?
Mom: Njaan ithu angoottu parayaaan pookuvaarunnu!
"

hahaha..athu oru kallam aayondu shemichu irrkunnu..

@prajusha
thank you..and thanks for visiting..

@Jyothsna
thanks a lot..

@Shella
hahaha..athe athe..havent seen that movie...but I can assume what the movie is about now!;-P

@Wanderlust
thanks dude...glad that you enjoyed it..please let me know if you are still alive after trying this..;-D

@Vrinda
thanks a lot..and for dropping by..:)

@ramblings
merci..merci..:-)

@Sonja
danke schon..:-)
actually it just gives me an idea..if i should try cookin chicken with some beer..talking of extreme cooking..;-D

March 14, 2009 2:36 PM

kochuthresiamma p .j said...

eeks! whoever thought ambrosia was so highly readable? as a rule, i nevr read cooking blogs - have enough of it withour reading them. today was one of those days which made me curious - wanted to see how males took to cooking. thoroughly enjoyed reading it. didn't know one could write about the culinary art in such an entertaining manner.
BTW, shall i forward this to maneka gandhi?

mathew said...

@kochuthresiamma chechi
its a pleasure to see you here..:-)
thank you.
yeah..i think Maneka would definitely sue me if she comes across this blog!;-D

Renuka said...

Lol..Nice post..

Dhanya said...

Hi Mathew..LOL :)))...

I came across your blog recently...read almost all posts by now...you are terrific!!!